This week we talked about boundaries within the family and marriage, and how important it is to keep those boundaries. Some of you might be wondering what that even means, so let me explain it the way my professor taught us.
My professor, Brother Williams, told us a little story about a couple that was going to buy their very first house together. The first house they looked at had no fence around it, and they found several foot step trails in their backyard from people going in and out. There was obviously no privacy with this house, and people seemed to just come right into their yard whenever they pleased. Now if we apply this to marriage, how annoying would it be if everyone was always coming into your marriage and knowing every little detail about it because you didn't have that privacy? Or even coming into your family and always being there so you could never enjoy any family alone time. My teacher is a family therapist and told us about a time when a couple came in to see him, so he asked them what the problem was. The wife immediately started saying that her husband was a selfish pig because he didn't let her talk to her mom and sisters. My teacher asked the husband if that was true and the husband said he doesn't mind her talking to her family at all, it's just becoming extremely excessive and he never gets time with her because she is always talking to her mom and sisters. My teacher then asked the wife how often she talked to her family and she replied "usually not more than 7 hours a day." ...7 hours a day? With everything else going on throughout the day, that leaves the couple almost no time to be together and enjoy each other's company. In this case, there was no boundary in the marriage.
Back to the story of the house-searching couple. They decided the house without a fence was not private enough, so they kept driving. The next one they looked at had a 15 foot cement wall around it with barbed wire at the top. Nothing was getting in, and nothing was coming out. With marriage, this is also important. It's good to have privacy and be able to do your own thing, but when it comes to the point where you are completely excluded from the world, it becomes a problem. There are some people that don't allow their kids to have friends or talk to people because they worry it will interfere with the family. News flash, kids need their friends! Without any communication with the world outside of your family, it becomes stressful and harder for the kids to have a normal life when they move out and are on their own.
Since the cement wall around this house was just too much for the couple, they kept driving and came across a house with a cute picket fence around it. It was the perfect house. People could come in when they were allowed, but there was still a gate to keep the privacy. Marriage is about you and your spouse. When you're married, you become a never-ending partnership. It should be about you, your spouse, and your children before anyone else. Your own families are still important and should never be pushed away, but it is important to remember that you have your own family to take care of now. Same with friends. Brother Williams really stressed the fact that your marriage should always come before your social life, and there needs to be a strong boundary between the two that you and your spouse can agree on. (This is probably why it would be smart to marry someone who you can say is your best friend.) :)
I actually really enjoyed learning about this topic because it's not something that you hear people talking about every day. It is a very common problem, but people just don't realize it. They often think the problem is something else when really it might just be the fact that your boundaries need a little readjusting.
Hope you enjoyed learning about this as much as I did.
Sorry there's no pictures or anything exciting on this post. I wasn't really sure what picture to put with this topic. I'll try better next time ;)
Hasta La Vista!
My professor, Brother Williams, told us a little story about a couple that was going to buy their very first house together. The first house they looked at had no fence around it, and they found several foot step trails in their backyard from people going in and out. There was obviously no privacy with this house, and people seemed to just come right into their yard whenever they pleased. Now if we apply this to marriage, how annoying would it be if everyone was always coming into your marriage and knowing every little detail about it because you didn't have that privacy? Or even coming into your family and always being there so you could never enjoy any family alone time. My teacher is a family therapist and told us about a time when a couple came in to see him, so he asked them what the problem was. The wife immediately started saying that her husband was a selfish pig because he didn't let her talk to her mom and sisters. My teacher asked the husband if that was true and the husband said he doesn't mind her talking to her family at all, it's just becoming extremely excessive and he never gets time with her because she is always talking to her mom and sisters. My teacher then asked the wife how often she talked to her family and she replied "usually not more than 7 hours a day." ...7 hours a day? With everything else going on throughout the day, that leaves the couple almost no time to be together and enjoy each other's company. In this case, there was no boundary in the marriage.
Back to the story of the house-searching couple. They decided the house without a fence was not private enough, so they kept driving. The next one they looked at had a 15 foot cement wall around it with barbed wire at the top. Nothing was getting in, and nothing was coming out. With marriage, this is also important. It's good to have privacy and be able to do your own thing, but when it comes to the point where you are completely excluded from the world, it becomes a problem. There are some people that don't allow their kids to have friends or talk to people because they worry it will interfere with the family. News flash, kids need their friends! Without any communication with the world outside of your family, it becomes stressful and harder for the kids to have a normal life when they move out and are on their own.
Since the cement wall around this house was just too much for the couple, they kept driving and came across a house with a cute picket fence around it. It was the perfect house. People could come in when they were allowed, but there was still a gate to keep the privacy. Marriage is about you and your spouse. When you're married, you become a never-ending partnership. It should be about you, your spouse, and your children before anyone else. Your own families are still important and should never be pushed away, but it is important to remember that you have your own family to take care of now. Same with friends. Brother Williams really stressed the fact that your marriage should always come before your social life, and there needs to be a strong boundary between the two that you and your spouse can agree on. (This is probably why it would be smart to marry someone who you can say is your best friend.) :)
I actually really enjoyed learning about this topic because it's not something that you hear people talking about every day. It is a very common problem, but people just don't realize it. They often think the problem is something else when really it might just be the fact that your boundaries need a little readjusting.
Hope you enjoyed learning about this as much as I did.
Sorry there's no pictures or anything exciting on this post. I wasn't really sure what picture to put with this topic. I'll try better next time ;)
Hasta La Vista!